Why You Get Triggered at Work: Childhood Patterns That Resurface in Adulthood
Work doesn’t just ask us to perform, it quietly asks us to revisit the emotional lessons of our childhood.
When we feel criticized, overlooked, micromanaged, or excluded, our reactions aren’t always about the moment in front of us. Often, they’re echoes of earlier experiences where safety, belonging, or validation felt uncertain.
At work, our resumes may say professional, but our nervous systems remember the younger parts of us who once had to earn love, stay small, or be perfect to survive.
The Workplace Isn’t Emotionally Neutral
We expect ourselves to act like adults — and most of the time, we do. But the workplace is not an emotionally neutral environment.
Hierarchies, evaluation, belonging, approval, rejection, and uncertainty are deeply human themes. They mirror the emotional terrain of childhood.
When a supervisor’s tone makes your stomach drop...
When being excluded from a meeting stings more than it “should”...
When a small mistake triggers shame or panic...
You’re not being “too sensitive.”
You’re remembering.
When the Present Echoes the Past
Trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk reminds us that the body keeps the score.
The nervous system stores experiences where our needs weren’t met — and workplace moments can poke directly at those old emotional bruises.
Below are some common ways that unmet childhood needs can show up as emotional triggers at work:
Common Unmet Needs and Workplace Triggers
As Diana Fosha and Pat Ogden highlight, emotional wounds don’t vanish simply because we grow older; they resurface when life presents similar relational dynamics. The workplace becomes a stage for reenactment, not out of weakness, but because our systems are wired to protect us.
Some parts of us may still be on alert, whispering:
“Don’t disappoint anyone.”
“Stay small and safe.”
“Be perfect so no one gets upset.”
“Handle everything alone — needing help isn’t safe.”
This isn’t pathology — it’s adaptation.
As Gabor Maté notes, these patterns once protected us.
Overwork may have been a way to earn love.
Over-competence may have been a way to stay safe.
Conflict avoidance may have been a peacekeeping skill in a chaotic household.
When the present echoes the past, the inner child responds.
Moving Toward Healing and Choice
Awareness is the first step.
Compassion is the second.
Ask yourself:
“What does this reaction tell me about an unmet need?”
Not:
❌ “What’s wrong with me?”
But:
✅ “What is still asking to be healed?”
With support, therapy, self-reflection, and conscious workplace cultures , we can learn to differentiate old pain from present reality, and respond from our adult resources rather than our childhood strategies.
This isn’t about fault.
It’s about freedom.
We heal not when triggers disappear, but when they become invitations to understand ourselves more deeply.
Common Unmet Needs and Workplace Triggers
As we begin to notice our patterns, we can often trace them back to early emotional needs that went unmet.
Below are some examples of how those early experiences can echo in modern workplaces:
Belonging / Safety
Childhood: Walking on eggshells, emotional inconsistency, needing to stay small to be safe
Now: Overthinking tone/emails, Panic when excluded, People-pleasing or withdrawing, Hyper-awareness of others’ moods
To Be Seen & Understood
Childhood: Feelings minimized, misunderstood, or ignored
Now: Sensitivity to feedback, Frustration when not acknowledged, Over-explaining to be understood, Feeling unseen or undervalued
Emotional Attunement
Childhood: Parent overwhelmed, dismissive, or self-focused
Now: Feeling invisible or overlooked, Assuming coworkers don’t care, Taking a neutral tone as rejection, Emotional reactivity to perceived coldness
Autonomy
Childhood: Micromanaged, over-controlled, punished for expressing needs or individuality
Now: Strong reaction to direction or oversight, Shutdown or quiet defiance, Conflict with authority, Resistance to collaboration
Secure Attachment / Stability
Childhood: Chaos, unpredictability, inconsistent caregiving
Fear of making mistakes Waiting for criticism or rejection Difficulty trusting colleagues Constant need for reassurance
Mistake Safety / Repair
Childhood: Shame, punishment, or humiliation for mistakes
Now: Perfectionism, Hiding errors, Panic when wrong, Defensiveness
Self-Worth / Feeling “Enough”
Childhood: Love/approval conditional on achievement
Now: Overworking / burnout cycle, Comparison & imposter feelings, Difficulty celebrating successes, Self-criticism
Ready to Begin?
If you notice workplace reactions that feel bigger than the moment, therapy can help you explore their roots with compassion.
Together, we can help your nervous system learn that it’s safe to show up — even when old patterns arise.
